Constant life-decision making moments

I really hate how my emotions could get the better of me sometimes when I least wanted to be affected by it, through the days and nights.

Who are we to judge what is wrong and what is right? Everyone is afraid of being ordinary but no one wanted to the a un-commoner that stands out from the society.

" My friends are worried about you. They scared that you might be a lil too naive in this case."

Maybe I am. Maybe this is a wrong decision. Maybe I deserve better.

Heck I have been through all the thinking process countless times during countless nights lying on bed or showering. Maybe everyone think the two of us being together is not perfect, that he always have the upper hand and I'm forever going to be beneath his demand and emotions.

But I don't care.

Do I sound too naive? Maybe.

But will I ever meet someone that is gonna be my companion in the journey towards the tunnel end of the other side?

So dead inside.

Strong and Fearless.

    They always say,"Be a strong and independent woman,".

    Such simple words, I thought, but it is hard to put words into actions in reality.

    I always see myself as strong and independent throughout my upbringing in life. People have always complimenting me on how tough and how capable I am on my own. I, myself thought so too. The older I get, the more I realize how wrong I was on the definition of strong and independent. I used to think that baring with all the obstacles and difficulties life has thrown on me and not complaining on how stressful and unable to perform are the traits of strong and independent. Yes, these are what the words mean theoretically but it is not how I should apply in real life.

Strong, to be able to stand firm to your ground and be sturdy with your own opinions and rights. It takes a lot of courage to be strong and fight for your own rights instead of just blankly accept unfair treatment. 

Strong, to face the party that you are most frightened to confront with when you are in no wrong. 

Strong, accept the fact that you are not perfect in some areas but are willing to make improvement and not easily belittled and beaten down by mean words and harsh comments. 

    In my whole lifetime I thought my second sister is the one that is the damsel in distress and I need to protect her because I am always looked as the stronger one. I never realized that actually how fearless she can be and as we grow older she turns out to be the one that is protecting me and teaching me how to be strong instead. 

    She is right. I should not let others pushed me around and just do what I am being told to. I should always stand firm for my rights and to tell my boss upfront of how I feel. Being obnoxiously following orders and instructions does not make you a good employee, it just makes you a walking tool to get scold and rant at in the pleasant of the boss. I do my best and the boss is not happy with it then that's that. I should not be denigrate by his long-faced because the fact is I am an intern to be there and learn, not to master all things at fort night. Experience and knowledge accumulate days by days and it is not ashamed that I am not able to perform perfectly when I am new sproot struggling to grow out of my comfort zone. 

    Voicing out loud your thoughts and opinions does not make you a bad employee who keeps complaining or creating troubles. It is very crucial for us to speak up and speak out when you feel the situation is not what you expect and hope for. 

    A piece of advice that I learnt it the hard way for all those innocent juniors - not be afraid to standing up against your boss or any bigger authority when you are right because there is nothing more important to you than yourself and your needs.